Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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