:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
