Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
