I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
