Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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