You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
