im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You were trust falling into bushes
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
