??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This house was built for laser tag.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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