Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
