he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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