bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
