38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
