It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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