It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
