Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
