My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
