its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
