Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
