rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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