I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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