i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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