What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
