i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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