She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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