I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
