Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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