the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
