The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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