**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
