Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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