unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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