omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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