I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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