He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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