i already hear my dad disowning me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
