I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
