...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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