he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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