Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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