i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
