i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think I won the penis lottery.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
