I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize