her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
