Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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