I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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