i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I looked at my own cervix.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
