I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Damn victory sex feels great
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
