Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
