So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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