I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
