I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
