i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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