I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
