I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
not ubering you a puppy
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
