I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
