i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
