Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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