i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
