yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
