Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize