actually, I'm a sock model
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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