but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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