You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Randomize
