I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
