so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
