I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
