I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
