i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
