I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
