i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
