he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
