i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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