when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
